I lost 18 marks for this paper. Oh well.
Very disappointed today. I thought I'd be so happy after the exams. Turns out that everything made me sad today. YiRen said he wanted to skip my chalet so he could go to church. I can't believe he could even think of it. I know he loves God more than anyone else, but he didn't choose to spare a thought for us. I can't believe I made this choice to patch things up with him. He was just using this time to go to church. It's our last three days together. Isaac's even migrating when he graduates. Will we enjoy our final time together as a group? I really wanted to cry when he said that. It's very disappointing. Everything to him now is cell, bible study, church, prayer meetings and many is sick of him trying to force them to become a Christian by saying that they would burn in hell. It's so hell fucking disappointing. I feel like calling everything off. How I wish he didn't say that. If he didn't, I wouldn't feel like uninviting him. Making use of this opportunity to go to church instead of giving me just a little support. He can always go on Sunday, I don't know why he's like this.
Everything he does makes me angry nowadays. And sad. Yesterday, I briefly went to the library with him. He seemed angry at me for even showing up. He totally ignored me and treated me like a distraction because he kept on passing notes to HuiYen, making me feel like I'm some outsider and he wanted me to leave so he could properly talk to HuiYen. I'm quite sad at HuiYen also. In the end, I left with Christon. HuiYen told me he could even be angry when I just wanted to discuss the heart diagram on his notebook with him. He always doesn't think what I say is right. He just doesn't treat me like he treats anyone else. Whatever bad things he does on me, it's always on purpose. I can always see that.
I can't help but type this complaint post. Hopefully, I'll remove it when I calm down.
How should I feel? If I show that I am angry, he will think that I'm a piss-off. If I hide how I feel and continue to be so carefree, he will continue to take me down because he just doesn't really like me. He even said he hated me (to the core). I think the reason why he seems to not hate me now is because he turned into a Christian, not because he really thought things out. I wish he wasn't so jealous. I feel hurt. I wish for too many things.
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